My Journey to Motherhood

To all my readers, I have neglected my blog for a while that is because I have been so occuppied with everything else. So I will call this my journey to motherhood, hopefully at the end of this I will be a mommy, hoping to be first time lucky!!!! You see my journey of injecting, mood swings, blood tests and ultrasounds has officially started, IVF might not have been the way I dreamt conceiving a baby a couple years ago but it will be the way I will receive my blessing, a few curve balls in life has lead us down this road of emotional rollercoaster rides, but thanking the Lord above I have the biggest support system many women can only dream of but I am living it, OPM is where the most important women in my life are, they visit on a daily basis and they guide each other through life's toughest decision and when life takes a u-turn they are there every step of the way. Which ever way this might go they will be there with me every step of the way. This IVF has been postponed so many times and now finally a year later it is here and I am so excited, scared but I just want to enjoy this journey and share it with my friends on "OPM".

The countdown Begins

So it is around the corner and I have mixed emotions, the fear of the unknown. Monday is my first visit to my FS, early morning and to top it all I am writing exams that day! How lucky, but my treatment officially starts next week Thurs/Friday so I am excited and nervous at the same time. The hightlight of my week is the OPM lunch which takes place this Saturday yeah. I am so excited, I can't wait to meet the ladies ooooh hoooo. Well I guess I have a lot of emotions flying around but at the moment the excitement is more dominant at the moment. Next week is crunch time! Please keep us in your prayers I really really want this to be a BFP for us. I pray that God bless us and all you wonderful ladies on OPM.

IVF at last!!!!

It still feels so unreal, for 3 year and 5 months we have been waiting for this moment..... our first moment, first attempt at a family. To the average person out there this would sound weird but in the infertile world this is what we are accustomed, waiting, more waiting, anxiety and heartache, but somewhere in the equation we should have joy! I think this is our time of joy, we are starting our first IVF attempt next month and it feels like everything is falling into place even though we know the odds, we are over the moon. It has been a difficult 3 years for us but our love has carried us through and it will carry us through this as well. To see the joy in husbands eyes when he speaks about it, I cannot explain it. I will not give up until I am a mom and my husband is a dad. That is my promise to myself and I pray that God blesses us with our little bundle of joy! OPM you have been by my side through all the bad times as well as the good and without you I would have lost my mind. Thank you for always supporting me and for all the guidance, you have become apart of my family and I love you all!

New Hope

For a while now I have really given up, for the past three months things have really not been looking up for me. Last week wednesday I just broke down because I really don't know how much more I could take. I knew this would be a difficult road to travel but I haven't even started properly and yet there are so many things wrong with me. Everytime we go to hospital all excited to embark on the new journey of IVF, once again we are sent back home further from our dream than what we started a couple of months ago?! So I was at a crossroad, I felt desperate, for the first time in my life I actually felt sorry for my self. Self pity, it's the pits and I was not gonna resort to that, oh hell no! So with the help of my loving husband I get my act together and tell myself, "what must be will be" (actually convincing myself). So the friday we go back and this time I have given up hope completely I am just there to get my results and whatever. To my surprise everything is looking great and yes, wait for it........ we can start IVF! Yipppppeeeeee, but first this lady has to lose 5 kilo's, so yes I am sweating *@SS off and I will lose that 5 kilo's as fast I can because I am so excited just to start the IVF journey. I know that I might be dissappointed but I am a step closer to my goal. And that is to become a "Mother".

The dream is always out of reach

So finally I go back to my FS after deciding not to proceed with the operation (I just feel that it is not the right time) and now there is something else wrong with me so I have to go for more tests. Who thought going for IVF can become so complicated, I thought we decide we go and we proceed, but let me tell you ladies who are all struggling out there this is a huge highway we travel along and the destination is far, but we must always believe that we will reach that destination. I think I will get me a GARMIN so that I can find my way to that destination. I promise you ladies that I will not give up on my dream of becoming a mother, that is my GIFT from GOD and I want it!!!! I will give up the day I became menopausal as GOD is my witness, HE created us strong individuals and I believe my cross is not too much for me to carry.