Back and Forth

That is how I feel my emotions are sometimes, just when you think that you have reached a point of acceptance, then you stumble and you reach an all time low again. We fight battles everyday of our life and believe me we fight hard and we are triumphant, but there are some battles that breaks us down and you just want to raise that white flag and surrender, but if I surrender I will be giving up on the one thing I have fought so hard for and the one thing each women is entitled to "motherhood". And I ask the question: "Will I ever know the true meaning of motherhood", the answer only God knows and then I tell myself "GOD will provide". It still does not heal the heart completely for I walk everyday with that feeling of "childlessness". When you utter those words, it stabs right through the heart. You walk in a mall and all you see are pregnant women and you feel like never leaving the house, not because you are jealous but for crying out loud, you fighting this battle which is emotionally draining, but do I really have to face so many pregnant women, every freaking second women is pregnant, and I kid you not that is really how it is. Ladies I am not a hater believe me, but for fuck sake one's heart can only handle that much. Sometimes I feel like screaming from the top of my lungs "Please God tell me what to do" and then I feel guilty because I know I am being selfish and I know I am being ungrateful and then I start counting my blessing and you know what AND THEN LIFE GOES ON! Sad but true, we learn to live with the sadness because for one sadness we have 10 blessings! Thank you Almighty for all my Blessings you have bestowed on me today!