Sometimes I wonder

Here I am sitting at home all alone, yes DH has gone to his dad early this morning to help him. You know what makes me angry is that for the past 3 Saturdays he had something to do so I spend my Saturday alone, but I have decided that he should do as he pleases he is a grown man! This sounds so childish I know but there is a lot of history there and I don't even want to get started.

Back to me, I was wondering how my life will be when I am a mother, I have been thinking of a nursery, how I will react, my cats, my DH and our family when we become parents. For 4 years it was just us and soon I pray to GOD soon we could become parents. Do you ever wonder if you are really ready for this, will you be a good mom, will you know what to do, cos this little life depends on you to make the right decisions for him/her and to feed them when they are hungry. Sometimes I just go into this panic attack and I am not even pregnant yet! Ai Life is hard sometimes. Anyway I will go on and dream the dream of becoming a mom and whether I will be good mother, all I can promise right now is that I will love my baby/ies with all my heart.

Emotional Rollercoaster of IVF

So we started our first IVF on 18 May and it ended on Sunday 7 June, our first IVF cancelled cycle, I haven't even reached my first official 2ww, it was really sad for us. I cried so much I never knew that I will feel this much pain. I think it was more dissappointment than anything else because everything was going so well. My ovaries were functioning perfectly and I was so proud of them because for once in my life they were performing at their peak and making me proud. Don't get me wrong I am not blaming my ovaries but as most of you ladies know my history, when my body starts working for me it is a miracle and I thank God for that, so now it seems as if it letting me down cos my E2 dropped to "boot level" as my FS put it.

So then we met with our FS yesterday and he is such a sweetie, he explained the whole process to us why it was cancelled as well as the complications involved, I was quite astounded by this discovery. These doctors are really miracle workers, I take my hat off to them. So bottom line is I have wonderful ovaries and they are really working at their peak to make me a mommy, so because they are so amazing with my next IVF cycle they will have to start me on a lower dose of Menopur because I respond so well to the medication. So my body is letting me down after all it seems that they are just as excited as I am to be a mommy. My FS says he will do everything in his power to get me a positive result. Thank you for all the support and kind words, I really have an amazing support system, friends on OPM, my inlaws as well as my own family, you guys don't know how much your support to me.