Help Needed

So we started our search for help, and yep we did GSH. Though it is a lengthy procedure we got the ball rolling, okay to cut a long story short: after many blood tests, DH SA test, the results were not positive at all. DH is always was 100%, so there I go feeling sorry for myself again. Me Diagnosed with PCOS and blocked tubes and now my tubes are useless they are actually toxic. Options, well there aint many let me tell you this and ladies this is something you never want your FS to tell you. Well Option number one: We proceed with IVF and take the risk of the fluid leaking back into the womb and toxicate the fetus (don't want that happening now do we), so doc what is my other option. Option Two: Remove the tubes, as in forever gone (no hope of a miracle baby). GOD what did I do? Please stop punishing me? I had to keep myself from tears while sitting in his office with DH next to me. I was so shocked my husband ended up asking all the questions. Bottom line we made the decision, so these hopeless things are going. They have given me so much agony over the years and I always believed that they will deliver, I had Faith in them and they let me down. I made the decision because I don't think either me or DH will be able to handle a miscarriage knowing we made the decision. This February next year I will have my 3 Lap and I will be removing my tubes, I feel like losing part of my womanhood, my fertility and that I am not whole anymore. It is the hardest decision I have ever made in my entire life and believe me I am still dealing with it. I have to take it one step at a time and for that I can only thank my wonderful husband and my online friends from OPM. Ladies you have kept me sane and most of us know what it feels like to have thunderstorms in our lives. Thank you and keep on doing what you do best and that is being a wonderful friend. I would also like to thank my older sister who has been there for me in the past few weeks, you have proved to me that even being a fertile mother of 3, you feel my pain, thank you and I love you, your children and your husband. To the rest of my family and husbands family thank you for not judging me and understanding that this is not easy for me and for your patience when I am down.